Saturday, May 15, 2010

Sav and Stav do some growing up

Sav never really believed that after the princess met her prince, the two lived happily ever after.. But since no one ever wrote that part of the story, she and Stav are playing the "ever after" by ear.

Like most mothers do, Mom told me that if I didn't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all. So I've been quiet.

Tonight, however, I had one of those rare moments of break-through. My friend Ashley and I were chatting over our home-made "Clean-out-the-cupboard one-dish-wonder" (which, if you're wondering, consisted of onions, barley, carrots, and edamame). She mentioned something that reminded me of a philosophy that has pulled me out of a slump before: I am not the victim. I cannot allow myself to feel victimized. I must be a champion for my relentless happiness; I must be my own heroine.

In the wake of a series of uncontrollable events, this advice must be heeded or I'm bound to spiral into the abyss.

With that newly re-acquired mentality, I'm suddenly feeling very empowered to take on this time of transition. Yes, it's true that I am going to move 3 times in the next 2 months. Yes, it's true that I'm going to be unemployed for some amount of time. It's also true that I am taking my wonderful, loving, self-sacrificing boyfriend to a town neither of us has ever even visited and asking him to make a life and a career there. And suddenly, all of this is seeming very exciting.

Stav and I started dating very young. We were silly and irresponsible and fell fast and hard. Despite all of our giddy "love" feelings, we were aware of our inexperience. There was actually a conversation in which we decided to grow up together. We decided to discuss everything, to keep communication flowing, to feel out the possibilities and to consider the other's opinion on all subjects for the rest of our lives. There are all kinds of things that simply cannot be agreed upon, but in maintaining an open, mind we've thus far been successful in our goal to grow up together.

This move and these stressors are just another lucky break in our relationship. In the planning of this transition, as well as in the ill-timed changes of planning, we have had several break-downs and several leaps and bounds. More of both our certainly headed our way. But really, our ability to always talk things out, to lean on each other, and to go forward and grow up together is prevailing. This is the start of and entirely new phase in our relationship...

We aren't kids any more. We are steering our own lives, separately and together. We can, we must, take this momentum and keep moving forward. And we must be mindful that there are always going to be hiccups and discomfort, and there will be tragedies and deaths, disasters and fights. We have to have thick skin and we can't take things personally. We have to feel our pain and then push through it.

We have to be our own heros, for ourselves and for each other.

We have to be our own champions.

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